"WHY IS MY DAUGHTER TREATING ME LIKE THIS?"
I have just listened to Philip Hodson on the Jeremy Vine
show (Radio 2). A caller was saying how her depressed
daughter no longer has contact with her family and Mr
Hodson said how people often complain of this. This is
new to me! My own 20 year old daughter has refused all
contact with me for the last 6 months and it's killing
me.
History: I left her father for someone else (taking her
with me) when she was 7 years old. I never spoke ill of
her father and I made sure she saw him regularly, until
she was about 14 when she started to make the decision
for herself not to go so often, “because he has no
interest in me” (he had 3 step children with his new
wife). After about 7 years of the relationship not
working and both my parents dying within 6 months of
each other, I moved into a flat with my daughter. Apart
from my loneliness and depression, we were actually very
happy and the best of friends. We also worked together
as dance teachers. We were extremely close.
Just before her A levels, I met a younger man and he
moved in with us. They got on ok, but he has a short
fuse and they had disagreements over her religion.
Eventually we all had a big upset over a mutual friend.
The next day, we arrived home to find my daughter’s room
emptied and a note to say she had gone. She was staying
with grandparents (who, over the years, she had had
little contact with). Things were a little strained
after that. As a result, knowing she was about to start
university, my boyfriend and I decided to move to
France. We saw her once on a short trip to England and
she seemed ok. But even the rare texts and phone calls
had become very stilted.
I sent a long email last summer asking her exactly what
was wrong. She replied that she found it impossible to
love me any more, that she was having counselling and
that she had decided it was best to stop contact until
she felt ready to resume. I respected her decision but
not realising it would go on so long. I sent the
occasional email/text saying I was here for her and love
and miss her, but she subsequently blocked me from her
email and phone. She also has a new address which
neither she nor her father will give me. She speaks
occasionally to my brother and has told him to tell me
to stop contacting her. I know that she is now
conducting a really full-on relationship with my
ex-husband and his family. It is literally just me, the
one who gave her everything growing up. I really want to
kill myself some days. Please help - is this a normal
aspect of counselling and what on earth can I do? Will
it harm her if I force contact?
ANSWERS
AUDIO for partially sighted |