2. What is the first memory you ever had? Try to get in touch with the
feelings this memory gives you and identify, if you can, what the predominant
feeling is and also what the underneath feelings are.
3. Now think through each memory slowly and do the same as you did with the
first memory, jotting down the feelings you experienced at the time. If it’s
helpful, make two subheadings - ‘what I felt then’ and ‘how does it make
me feel now when I re-experience it’. Are the feelings the same or different?
Take your time, this may be difficult and could take a few days.
If there are any
memories where you feel miserable or baffled and the memory and the feelings
don’t match up - for example, if you can remember sitting in a pram in a nice
place and your predominant memory is of feeling safe and loved but you also feel
worried and anxious when you think about the memory, this is one to take note
of. Only you can work these memories out and what they mean. If you ask your
subconscious to present you with information, it can often be very obliging and
hide something that you aren’t ready to face yet or it might give you something
on a plate because you need to work on it. It’s up to you what you do with that
plate of information, you can scrape it into the waste bin or you can explore it
to see what’s there.
4. Look for the mistaken beliefs in particular i.e.
I don’t count / it’s all my fault / that’s not what really happened /I
mustn’t show that I’m angry / I need to be fat / no-one loves me when I say
what I need / there’s no way out of this / hurt others first before they get
me /feelings are unsafe/ perhaps I’m so awful that no-one will want me/ I must
pretend
5. When you’ve identified the feelings behind each memory, write them down
on a separate piece of paper. Also write down where they mismatch.
6. Think long and hard and identify whether these feelings or the consequence
of you carrying these feelings have an impact on your life today. In particular,
try to identify a pattern or beliefs that come up time and time again.
7. Finally, taking your time, because this is a complex and painful exercise,
try to turn the feelings around and challenge the mistaken beliefs. You were a
child when you felt these things and now you have your adult self to help you
challenge them i.e.
Actually, I DO count/ why is it my fault /what did actually happen and why
was I told lies / what am I afraid will happen to me if I get angry /am I
protecting myself with my fat /why shouldn’t I say what I need / there is a
way out and I will find it / why do I need to hurt others first - what is that
about/ feelings are only unsafe if I hide them from myself / what happened to
make me believe people won’t want me / what do I fear will happen if I don’t
pretend
8. If this works for you, you will find that your beliefs can change
and that other people will start to relate to you in a different way.
