Hello, I am a 50 yr old male, married to a 49 yr old. We have two young girls and we have been living in France for the past 5 years. For the past 7-10 years I have been suffering from erectile dysfunction, and I have been using Viagra for some time now.

I would say that I have a normal sex drive. We would normally make love 2-3 times a month which is never enough for me, so I resort to quite a lot of masturbation, sometimes every day.
The current dilemma is that my wife is approaching the menopause, and she says that she has lost her appetite for sex, although she does masturbate me when I ask, she will also perform oral sex and allow me to penetrate her. But I am the one who has to ask, she does not suggest or offer it. But I am not allowed to touch her sexual parts at all, even her nipples are out of bounds, so it is almost like visiting a prostitute, she is providing a service, but it is all one way, which makes me feel bad and not valued. There is also very little warmth and affection from her, if we kiss outside the bedroom, it must only be just lips or on the cheek.

We cannot seem to talk about the problem without arguing, but I am at the end of my tether and I have no one I can turn to. Some years ago we had counselling from a Relate counsellor for marital problems, this did seem to help.

Am I just being selfish? I did suggest that she talked to her Doctor as it might be due to the hormonal imbalance often linked with the menopause, but she refused to entertain this as HRT has side effects. Language is not a problem for her as she is fluent in French. I do not know where to turn.

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