I have just listened to Philip Hodson on the Jeremy Vine show (Radio 2). A caller was saying how her depressed daughter no longer has contact with her family and Mr Hodson said how people often complain of this. This is new to me! My own 20 year old daughter has refused all contact with me for the last 6 months and it's killing me.

History: I left her father for someone else (taking her with me) when she was 7 years old. I never spoke ill of her father and I made sure she saw him regularly, until she was about 14 when she started to make the decision for herself not to go so often, “because he has no interest in me” (he had 3 step children with his new wife). After about 7 years of the relationship not working and both my parents dying within 6 months of each other, I moved into a flat with my daughter. Apart from my loneliness and depression, we were actually very happy and the best of friends. We also worked together as dance teachers. We were extremely close.

Just before her A levels, I met a younger man and he moved in with us. They got on ok, but he has a short fuse and they had disagreements over her religion. Eventually we all had a big upset over a mutual friend. The next day, we arrived home to find my daughter’s room emptied and a note to say she had gone. She was staying with grandparents (who, over the years, she had had little contact with). Things were a little strained after that. As a result, knowing she was about to start university, my boyfriend and I decided to move to France. We saw her once on a short trip to England and she seemed ok. But even the rare texts and phone calls had become very stilted.

I sent a long email last summer asking her exactly what was wrong. She replied that she found it impossible to love me any more, that she was having counselling and that she had decided it was best to stop contact until she felt ready to resume. I respected her decision but not realising it would go on so long. I sent the occasional email/text saying I was here for her and love and miss her, but she subsequently blocked me from her email and phone. She also has a new address which neither she nor her father will give me. She speaks occasionally to my brother and has told him to tell me to stop contacting her. I know that she is now conducting a really full-on relationship with my ex-husband and his family. It is literally just me, the one who gave her everything growing up. I really want to kill myself some days. Please help - is this a normal aspect of counselling and what on earth can I do? Will it harm her if I force contact?

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