Please help me because I feel as though the only answer is to kill myself. I looked on this website and tried to find the courage to contact one of the counsellors but I am just too ashamed. I have thought about suicide recently but I saw this problem page and it was like a last chance to sort my head out.

I am in my forties and my husband and I moved to France after he retired at the beginning of last year. We have a wonderful home and a caravan and enough money. My husband's son, who is in his twenties came out with us as he couldn't get a job in the UK and we all get on well. We don't have any children of our own and I didn't have any with my first husband as he was infertile. The problem started because I have a very high sex drive and my partner has lost all interest in sex since we came to France. I love him but I am going a bit crazy without sex in my life.

The thing I am so ashamed of is that I have started watching my stepson through a gap in his bedroom wall from the barn. It started by accident because I was in the barn fetching some cloths and I noticed that there was light coming from the gap. When I looked through, he was masturbating and although it gave me a shock, it was almost impossible not to watch and masturbate myself. Now it has become an obsession and I can't stop. As soon as my husband is asleep, I go down and sit by the gap and watch until the light finally goes off. I have seen him doing so much and I have been so tempted to go into his bedroom while he's masturbating, it's only a huge force of will that stops me.

I feel I have to leave my husband or end my life because I am starting to fantasise about having sex with my stepson and that would be terrible. He is quite an innocent boy and it would kill my husband. I know you will tell me to get help but where can I go where they won't arrest me or be totally disgusted. Please help me.

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