I am a female and I have lost both my parents due to suicide when I was 21 at 6 months interval. First my father, who was not really displaying visible depressive symptoms. My mother was depressive (probably dipolar) since I was around 12 years old and it gradually got worse as time went on. Myself, I have a history of depression, anxiety attack and anorexia. My anorexia came around age 16 but I do not have any problem with food since I was around age 23.

My depression and anxiety attacks vary in degree from moment to moment but I think I am on a slightly depressive side all the time and have a negative pattern of thinking. I have almost a permanent feeling of fatigue, and I am tired in the morning even after 9 hours of sleep. My boyfriend suggested that my parents' death is still haunting me and I am not getting a very good sleep. He told me that I often talk in my sleep as if I am having a terrible nightmare, although I almost never remember my dreams.

About 2 years ago I really started to notice that I was too emotionally dependent on my boyfriend of 6 years (4 years at the time). I would get horrible anxiety attacks with even the slightest problems we would have in our couple. About a year ago, we had one of the biggest crisis in our couple and I felt as if my life was not worth living and I could not possibly live without my partner. My anxiety and depression peaked and I finally sought some professional help. I had 6 counselling sessions with a professional therapist, but then decided that it was not going anywhere and stopped. 6 months ago, my boyfriend decided to attend AA and quit drinking. I had always thought that he was a heavy social drinker and maybe gets a little too wild when drinking but I did not really think he was a true alcoholic until we attended the AA meeting. (more denial) The great thing is that as he started attending AA, I started attending Al-Anon (for families and friends of Alcoholics). Since then, my attitudes toward life has changed greatly, I feel much less emotionally dependent on my boyfriend and I feel like I can live alone even if I do enjoy his company a lot. Most of my fears for the future and my relationships are gone and when it does arise, it has been reduced to a manageable level.

Right now, although I am happy of the progress I have made, I am tired of feeling tired and tired of the fragility of my moods. It seems as though there is always something holding me down so that I cannot focus myself entirely on what I want to do in my life and be happy. I really want to tackle this problem, deal with my unconscious/subconscious mind and start the true healing process but I don't know where to start.

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