"I cry, I panic, I can't breathe and I can't do anything"

I came to live with my partner in France a short time ago. I love him very much and so I was happy to give up my job, rent out my flat etc. I am very close to my family though and saying goodbye to them and to my dog was very, very hard. However for the first few days I was ok and made myself keep busy doing all sorts of things. My partner works all day so I am alone. By the second week I just gave up. I have not been able to eat or really leave the flat unless I am with him. I cry, I panic, I can't breathe and I can't do anything. I feel ridiculous.

Yesterday I went to the doctor, having been last week. The drugs he gave me did not work and I had a big panic attack in his office. He said I needed to go the hospital and see a specialist and possibly be admitted as I shouldn't be on my own. I didn't go as I don't want to go to hospital. My partner has been lovely and we decided that I am going to try to eat again as that might make me better. But I don't know. I hate it when he goes to work. I just feel so lonely and hopeless.

I should probably add that five years ago I gave birth to stillborn twins. I was devastated and my life fell apart. My then husband was no support and we divorced. The next two years were hell. My brother lost a baby, my dad had a heart attack, three friends died of cancer, my grandma died and my grandfather had a very bad stroke that left him paralysed down one side. He went to a home and died this year. However I picked myself up, dusted myself off, bought a flat and got a decent job.

My parents were brilliant and until my current partner, are the only people I can trust. I am desperate to be normal again, I am generally happy and fun and I feel frightened and helpless. I want this to go away, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to hospital. I don't understand why I am like this as for the first time in years I am with someone I love and who loves me. I am confused and scared.

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