My problem is that I came to France to join my partner. I found making this decision very hard and scary, giving up friends and family and job etc. I secured a sabbatical until the end of this year. I now have to make a decision about going back or giving my job up completely. Work wants to know now and I am keeping them waiting for my reply, which puts a lot of pressure on. Things haven't gone as well as planned here. I feel isolated as we don't live in town but about 50 mins drive away. Some things are good, have made some friends and joined a choir but have not managed to get work. My partner and I clash a lot and although we've had lovely times together, the majority of the time has been difficult. I have had periods of depression and have not done very much in the house which is being renovated. I have also struggled with learning French, partly lack of motivation and partly because I am so isolated I only talk to people on a regular basis to shop. Some time we feel as if we are getting somewhere and things seem more hopeful, I want to move to town and this has been considered seriously by my partner, even though he doesn't really want this. But we have got to a point of arguing badly and viciously and it's hard to recover. He blames me for not trying hard enough here. I can go back to my job...but I feel panicky at the thought of this, facing everyone and also because I had already become very sick of things with it. I do miss, however my independent salary and my family and friend and own home in England. I feel if I go back it will be the end of my relationship. I am in a bad state with all this and feel the pressure is very bad. I am having panic attacks and feel very depressed. I also feel I am not being supported in making the decision in a calm way because my partner and I just argue and he says he now wants me to go back to England. Then he will say he doesn't and I feel he is being very careless with my life because I could make the decision and then he changes. Previously I have always trusted him in everything and he has previously been supportive. I think my depression has got to him. I am not always depressed but am often depressed here.

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