"HOW CAN I HELP MY SON IF HE IS USING DRUGS?"
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It
is hard to know what sort of relationship you have with
your son. On the one hand he tells you quite a bit about
how he came to acquire and take a substance but you have
to force him to have a test to find out what he has been
using. However I think that the relationship you and
your husband have with him is going to be very important
in this situation and throughout his adolescence.
You need to keep a dialogue open with your son, to let
him to know where you both stand in relation to drug
taking, and that your concern is for him and about the
harm that could come to him. It is very easy for young
people to look at their friends who are taking drugs and
see no evident damage. Try to remain factual and firm in
your attitude but avoid confrontation. He needs to be
sure that that your concern is about him, that you care
for him. It may get thrown back in your face but stay
with it.
There are a variety of reasons why young people get
caught up in drug taking. Some experiment a bit but
realize that it is not for them but others get more
involved. It would be a good idea to think about your
son’s motivation for experimenting with drugs. Is he
curious to experience the effect? Is it about his place
in the peer group? Is it to do with the change of
school? Perhaps it’s a misguided attempt to appear cool
or to have a place in the new group. If you have
concerns about a possible drug culture in the school,
perhaps a meeting with whoever is responsible for
pastoral care would be a good idea. However peer group
pressure can have an impact. Perhaps he is testing his
parents, seeing how far he can go, where your boundaries
lie.
Without knowing a great deal more about you and your
husband and the history of your family relationships, I
cannot say more. Try not to panic, remain loving but
firm, wonder about why and, above all, keep an open
dialogue with your son that is not just about the
negative aspects of drugs but about all the other things
he is interested in. |
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Hello, I'm so sorry
that you are facing the problem of your son possibly
using drugs, & have looked up some useful information on
the net- see below- which gives a lot of useful
links/contact numbers. It sounds very sensible to have
already got your son tested, so at least you'll know the
extent of his use, if any, quite quickly. Your concern
is very understandable but it seems that your son is
able to talk to you quite openly, which doesn't always
happen. Perhaps it would be helpful to look at all the
information so that you can be well versed in what is
available in the way of support in your area. It may
also help you to find out why your son feels the need to
take/sell drugs- is it peer pressure, what does he need
the money for, & how far he has already gone down this
potentially dangerous path? There is also a confidential
help line which may be able to give you advice quickly-
good luck, I hope that you can help your son asap.
http://riviera.angloinfo.com/information/family/teenagers/alcohol-drugs
Drug abuse helpline: Drogues Info
Service, confidential advice and help in French. Open
daily 08:00-02:00 Tel: 0800 23 13 13 / Tel: 01 70 23 13
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As
a parent, I can empathise with your situation and I know
how difficult it can feel to guide teenagers through
their growing up process. I guess by now you have the
results of the tests which will make the next steps
perhaps clearer in terms of what sort of support to look
for. I noted something in your letter which felt
significant to me. It was the way your son said he
wanted to smoke some drugs and so he asked around. He
asked around in an environment that apparently is new to
him and where he doesn’t know anyone well yet. I may be
wrong but at his age I doubt that the effect of the drug
itself is what he is looking for. That needs perhaps
more answers. However in the eventuality that he’s not
seeking the actual drug effect that leaves the question
as to what he really is trying to achieve. I’m sure that
asking around for drugs in a new school doesn’t leave
him unnoticed in the crowd. It goes around and an
identity is formed. Is he destabilised going to this new
school? It’s an intense and anxious time for him I
imagine. It takes time to adjust and he may be trying to
integrate rapidly. You didn’t mention whether he’s a
boarding school now or whether he comes home every day
but whatever the changes are, they are very intense for
teenagers. Whilst I am clear that you need to remain
very firm on the question of not accepting drugs at all
on the other hand I think that you or perhaps the school
psychologist need to help him explore his experience of
interacting with a new group and any relational worries
and give him support around that.
There is a national association that can help. The «
Association Nationale de Prevention en addictologie et
alcoologie ». There’s one in every department. They are
very experienced in prevention and treatment issues and
helping people with issues such as you describe. They
help the family as much as the person concerned. I hope
it works out for the best. |
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