Therapist A is a counsellor with a psychodynamic approach with experience of working with adults and young people.

You say that you are in your fifties and for many people it is a time of sadness, even depression and anxiety. It is a time when people start to look back over their lives and realise that there are no second chances.

‘Episode’ and ‘events’ are distancing words to use about times in your past, the memories of which are causing you so much distress. Maybe the ‘younger you’ felt that whatever it was (you don’t say what you did), just happened to you. More recently your friend’s remark has brought the painful experiences to consciousness. Is it possible that you didn’t face, at the time, your responsibility for what happened and the painful or guilty feelings associated? Perhaps you preferred to walk away and to forget. Unfortunately we cannot deal with the things we regret, and the associated difficult feelings, by forgetting.

It sounds as if you have never spoken to anyone about what happened and the shame you feel.  I think that it would help you to find a counsellor to talk to. Sharing difficult things, putting them into words, can bring your thoughts and feelings under control and lessen their impact. Counsellors do not judge but work with you to understand what has happened in your life. If you are living in France, it maybe difficult to find a counsellor near you, whom you can meet face to face. However there are a number of people on the Counselling in France website who work on the phone.

Therapist B is a Relate-trained counsellor with experience of working with relationship issues and is an experienced couples counsellor
I'm sorry you are experiencing these distressing memories from some years ago, & wonder if it would help to talk to a trained counsellor, either face to face if there is anyone near you, or online which actually helps you to explore feelings anonymously?

It sounds as though your memories & thoughts are going round & round in your head with no outlet & it must feel alarming when you can't get rid of them. Very often if you can find someone who you feel you can trust to be non-judgemental, then they might be able to help you get things in perspective. It might be that the memories have got out of proportion, & if you were able to tell someone then you could get another opinion about what you could possibly have done at the time, or not?

If you are unable to let go of these shameful feelings it might be useful to write them down, & then look at any options- is there anything that you really need to apologise for, & would it make any difference all these years later? Sometimes people find it useful to write to whoever they have offended, even if there is no point in sending a letter, & then just symbolically get rid of the paper by burning it or tearing it up & ridding yourself of guilt that way.

There are some sites on Google which could help you online & this one below explains the process of examining the reasons behind similar feelings of guilt. I hope it helps-please come back for more support if you need it. www.wisegeek.org/how-can-i-stop-feeling-guilty-about-everything.htm
Therapist C is a psychoanalytic psychotherapist with experience of working with relationship and many other issues.

Sometimes an event or incident can trigger memories that have been repressed. Once these memories emerge, it is difficult to push them down again. Even if they are repressed they still have a detrimental effect on one's life. It sounds like all these memories of what you call shameful events need to be addressed. This is difficult to do alone so I would recommend that you find a counsellor or a psychotherapist with whom you feel comfortable who could help you confront and lay to rest these memories.

A psychotherapist or counsellor could enable you to understand what led to these shameful events. It sounds as though your are looking at these events out of context and it might be useful to contextualise them so that you have some insight into their causes.