"HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS
CYCLE OF DRINKING ALONE?"
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I
think adjusting to a different language and culture is a
much harder task than most people expect it to be. It
would seem from what you say that you have come to live
in Paris on your own, probably to work or maybe to study
and have left behind your old, familiar friends whom you
feel at ease with. Even if you made the choice to move
to France, it is a challenge that you have had to meet
on you own and there will have been many difficulties
you didn’t expect. It sounds as if your language skills
when you first arrived were fairly rudimentary and that
communication in French was hard which maybe left you
with difficult feelings; feelings of inadequacy,
helplessness, homesickness, loneliness and frustration.
Socialising must have been hard work sometimes. I wonder
whether there have been difficult times in the past at
school, or even within your family, when you have
experienced feelings of insecurity, of not being heard
or understood.
Alcohol as a means of escape from hard reality is very
hard to give up. It is the feeling of escape from
anxiety that is addictive. It can take the place of
making meaningful relationships with others –maybe that
is a difficulty you experience. It would seem at present
your tendency is to withdraw and feel miserable rather
than socialise. Alcohol initially establishes a sense of
wellbeing and harmony within the self, but as that wears
off, the effect of the alcohol on the body can increase
the symptoms of anxiety and feed the need to escape.
As to how to get out of the cycle there are various
approaches but it sounds as if you don’t feel very
strong and need someone to help you. As a psychodynamic
counsellor I would suggest that maybe your difficulties
have some roots in your past and, if you have the means,
seek out an English speaking psychotherapist or
psychodynamic counsellor to talk to and help and support
you as you try to get to grips with your current
problem. You have found the Counselling in France
website and there is a choice of therapists whom you can
contact and talk to face to face or on Skype or the
telephone |
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I'm
sorry to hear about your drinking alone problem as you
described it, & have picked out a phrase that might give
a clue as to why you seem to be drinking a lot at home("I
still feel anxious about being around people")
with
the subsequent results of feeling lonely/needing to
contact your old friends etc. I know it is hard to live in another country with all
the differences of language & culture to deal with, but
as you said you had started to adjust I wonder what has
happened along the way to make you feel more inclined to
stay at home & drink? It sounds as though you might have
some self confidence issues, & although having a drink
socially can help you to relax to start with, it doesn't
seem to be having the desired effect now, so maybe it
would help you to talk about your circumstances with a
trained counsellor? It might be useful to look back at how you managed
social situations back in the U.K., & try to identify
what has changed since coming to Paris? What do you need
to feel more confident about I wonder, & is it linked to
your job, or how you feel when you are in a crowd of
people? Sometimes it can help to explore back a bit to
see what your expectations were before coming to Paris,
& to see if you have felt disappointed in any way? Without more details it is difficult to speculate any
further but I'm putting a couple of sites which might
help you to tackle this unhappy situation,& I hope it
will help you feel better if you can seek some
professional help. Good luck & bon courage.
The DOH alcohol misuse page includes information on the
National Alcohol Strategy, and policy and advice on
sensible drinking and the prevention of alcohol ...
www.patient.co.uk/health/Alcohol-and-Sensible-Drinking.htm
PARIS THERAPY SERVICES is a listing of English-speaking
psychotherapists:
www.paristherapyservices.com
Kairos Counsellors: English-speaking counsellors with
practices in Paris ...
http://paris.angloinfo.com/af/807/paris-and-ile-de-france-psychologists-and-psychotherapists-paris.html
www.angloinfo.fr - click into Paris for all that is on
offer for English speakers in Paris. |
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I
wonder what your nervousness is about? What do you fear
might happen when you go out with your friends?
From what you write, it might be that you are missing
your friends in the UK. Leaving one’s country always
involves a loss and a certain amount of grieving before
being able to appreciate and enjoy one’ new country. I
wonder if you are experiencing some of these things and
are feeing guilty because of these feelings. I also
wonder if the unfamiliarity of being in a new country
and a new culture evoked something for you that may be
connected to the past.
Dependence on alcohol or any other object can often be a
substitute for something missing in life or for
something that has been lost. I would recommend that you
see a counsellor or psychotherapist to address your
drinking and your anxiety so that you can try and get to
the root of these and eventually free yourself from
them. |
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