Therapist A is a counsellor with a psychodynamic approach with experience of working with adults and young people.
I am sorry that you have breast cancer and that your treatment is causing quite a lot discomfort and I can see that you would like to be looked after without having to ask. It is depressing to see the things that you would usually look after in a mess. You sound very practical about your cancer. Many people feel very angry when this happens to them. I wonder what you are really feeling about this potentially fatal illness.

There is quite a lot of information that you haven’t given which prevents me from being very helpful. What stage of your married life are you at? What was your relationship like before you were ill? Has your husband a history of depression? Has he recently given up work? His life sounds pretty aimless. Did you always taken care of household tasks up until your illness so might he expect that you would still be able to continue? It would seem that you may not have a very close physical relationship if he comes to bed so late so does that affect things. You sound fed up with him anyway.

Cancer, despite the huge improvements in treatment, is a life threatening disease. In a partnership it can exacerbate difficulties that already exist in a relationship. Your husband could be very frightened of being left alone or he may feel that you are getting support at the hospital and he is alone with it. Perhaps you need to think about your relationship and how you could put some more feeling into that. There is a very good book called ‘Breast Cancer Husband’ by Marc Silver. Do you think he would read it?
Therapist B is a Relate-trained counsellor with experience of working with relationship issues and is an experienced couples counsellor
I'm very sorry to hear about your breast cancer & the subsequent treatment which is causing you joint pains. It must be hard to deal with the side effects & still cope with what sounds like some difficult communication problems between you & your husband. I wonder if this seeming reluctance to help you around the house is a direct result of the shock of the breast cancer diagnosis or do you feel that there was a lack of cooperation beforehand?

It might be that your husband is in shock & doesn't know how to express his feelings, but I can understand how difficult it must be for you. Maybe it would help to talk to him during the daytime when he/you are feeling reasonably fresh & to ask him what he is really thinking about your illness/treatment? Perhaps you could see if there is anyone else around who you could pay to do the household jobs-it might help your husband to recognise that getting these tasks done is important for your morale?

Everyone deals with a health crisis in a different way, but trying to change your communication patterns by putting the emphasis on asking how he is feeling might help shift the current situation. I wonder if you can find support for yourself by using some of the support forums on the net & finding out if there are others who can share their experiences with you. Please write again if you think it would help to share your feelings online, or refer to the following helpline/web site. Best wishes & bon courage. http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk
Therapist C is a psychoanalytic psychotherapist with experience of working with relationship and many other issues.

You say that you have spoken to your husband about how you feel but I wonder if you have really told him how difficult things are for you. It sounds as though you are each isolated in your corner and are maybe afraid to tell each other how you really feel. It could be that your breast cancer has evoked feelings from the past where you felt helpless and where you felt abandoned, which is not to say that you are not feeling helpless in face of the situation in which you find yourself. It may also be that your illness is also evoking feelings from the past which have to do with loss for your husband and which are frightening for him. It is possible that he is trying to escape mentally from what is going on, which could reinforce your feeling of being abandoned and left to cope on your own. I would suggest consulting a relationships counsellor who may help you both to express you feelings and thoughts about your illness and anything that it could be evoking.