|IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT
- You are not to blame:
You are not responsible for the violence. Your abuser has choices about other
ways to react such as walking away until he or she is calmer.
- You can't change your abusers behaviour:
You'll probably have already noticed that it doesn't make much difference what
you do to pacify him/her, he or she is violent anyway. The only way for your
abuser to change is for them to realise they have a problem and to seek help
for the abusive behaviour.
- Ignoring violence is dangerous:
Violence rarely happens only once. In fact it's much more usual for the
violence to get more serious the longer it goes on. Despite their dominating
ways, many perpetrators appear to go to pieces after an assault or if their
partners threaten to leave them. They can be very remorseful and promise to
stop the violence, give up drinking etc. Partners sometimes feel sorry for
them and agree to stay but unfortunately, experience shows that improvements
in behaviour are short-lived and the violence occurs again. Sadly, for some,
what began as a slap or a punch, ends in murder.
- Break the silence - don't remain isolated:
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Don't keep the violence a secret. Get help
from someone you trust or you can contact one of the many organisations. You
can phone them even if you just want to talk. You don't actually have to do
anything. The more isolated you are, the harder it becomes to take action.
Don't suffer alone, there's lots of help out there.
- There is life after an abusive relationship:
Although 'starting over' may seem very difficult, there are many benefits.
Many men and women start new and rewarding lives and discover they enjoy
living without a partner. You can start new and loving relationships which you
could never have believed was possible when you were with your violent
partner. Almost all speak of the joy of discovering that the things the
abusers told them i.e. 'you're stupid / ugly / useless / no-one else would have
you / you'll never make it on your own, etc.' were not true.