When you feel really angry and worry that it is getting out of control
ie you are getting very upset and maybe other people are too, use this
list. Pin it up somewhere so you can see it. Also, get a notebook and pen
and keep them where no-one else can find them Ė if thereís nowhere
private, then gather together some paper which you can tear up after
youíve written on it.
1. Take a deep breath through your nose
and exhale slowly. Do this three times and say "Calm, calm, calm" to
yourself. Clench your fists and unclench them three times. Be aware that
your body is tensing up and try to relax it bit by bit.
2. If anyone tries to ridicule you or
wind you up, then just smile at them. Use this smile on anyone at school
or at home to deal with what they are trying to do (best not to try it
with teachers!) If someone is trying to make you angry, smiling at them
will make THEM really angry and you can keep cool and in control of your
emotions. If itís Mum or Dad and they know what you are doing, they will
respect it because you are using it to deal with being angry but other
people wonít know that. It also allows everyone a bit of space and may
stop arguments before they start.
3. When you feel your anger is
frightening even you, call TIME OUT. This is when you leave the situation
to give you time to cool off. Make sure that youíve agreed this with your
family beforehand so that they donít argue about it. If itís a situation
outside the family, just say "excuse me, Iíll be back in five minutes" and
leave. Use the TIME OUT to cool down and think about what is happening and
how you can deal with it. When you go back (and itís important you DO go
back) then start again calmly or agree to stop arguing. If itís something
you need to talk over and you keep getting angry, find a different way to
do it, like writing to them.
5. If talking is impossible or if you
need to sort out what you are feeling in your head, write it down. This is
private and should ONLY be seen by you. Write down:
a) How you feel and why you feel it
b) Is it real or are you over-reacting?
c) How can you change things?
e) What would you like other people to
do to make things different?
6. Do something physical to get rid of
the adrenaline that builds up when you get angry or upset. Kick a football
against a wall really hard or run on the spot for five minutes. If you are
somewhere where you canít be heard, shout at the top of your voice using
your whole rib-cage to push the sound out. Punch your pillow or hit a
stick on a wall till it breaks. This sounds violent but you are trying to
get violent feelings out and you need to express them violently until you
7. Finally, talk to yourself. Self-talk
is really important as it helps you to get rid of feelings and also makes
you feel good about yourself. If you feel bad because youíve upset
someone, go and say sorry. If you have embarrassed yourself, tell the
person you know youíve been a twit but youíll try not to keep doing it.
Itís much harder to say things rather than keep them inside but bad
feelings cause pain when they are kept inside and you need to find a way
to get them out safely so you feel good about yourself as well as other