"I cry, I panic,
I can't breathe and I can't do anything"
I came to live with my
partner in France a short time ago. I love him very much
and so I was happy to give up my job, rent out my flat
etc. I am very close to my family though and saying
goodbye to them and to my dog was very, very hard.
However for the first few days I was ok and made myself
keep busy doing all sorts of things. My partner works
all day so I am alone. By the second week I just gave
up. I have not been able to eat or really leave the flat
unless I am with him. I cry, I panic, I can't breathe
and I can't do anything. I feel ridiculous.
Yesterday I went to the doctor, having been last week.
The drugs he gave me did not work and I had a big panic
attack in his office. He said I needed to go the
hospital and see a specialist and possibly be admitted
as I shouldn't be on my own. I didn't go as I don't want
to go to hospital. My partner has been lovely and we
decided that I am going to try to eat again as that
might make me better. But I don't know. I hate it when
he goes to work. I just feel so lonely and hopeless.
should probably add that five years ago I gave birth to
stillborn twins. I was devastated and my life fell
apart. My then husband was no support and we divorced.
The next two years were hell. My brother lost a baby, my
dad had a heart attack, three friends died of cancer, my
grandma died and my grandfather had a very bad stroke
that left him paralysed down one side. He went to a home
and died this year. However I picked myself up, dusted
myself off, bought a flat and got a decent job.
parents were brilliant and until my current partner, are
the only people I can trust. I am desperate to be normal
again, I am generally happy and fun and I feel
frightened and helpless. I want this to go away, but I
don't know what to do. I don't want to go to hospital. I
don't understand why I am like this as for the first
time in years I am with someone I love and who loves me.
I am confused and scared.
AUDIO for partially sighted
FROM THERAPISTS & PUBLIC